Tag Archives: humour

endurance training (or how not to…)

3 Jul

So you want to be an awesome cyclist like me?  (No?  Don’t you know i’ve met Victoria Pendleton?) Then follow my recipe for the endurance ride of your life.  This ride took place on a lovely sunny Monday evening…

First i selected an approximately two mile route (I wouldn’t go more than 3 miles for this one).  A route that just so happened to have a local fayre at the end of it.  If you’re a stats person i’d say it had one short hill, approx 7%, but was mostly flat.  I can’t tell you true stats as this really wasn’t deserving of a Garmin or Strava outing.  Next, cycle at a leisurely pace for the first two miles.  It’s important not to exert yourself too much at this point – the real test is yet to come.  At one point hubby was shouting at me from about a mile away that he couldn’t ride slowly enough to stay with me.  What he didn’t realise was that the dress and leggings i had chosen to wear, instead of that boring lycra, was adding extra resistance and giving me a great workout.

Stop at aforementioned fayre.  Wander round for a bit (ah yes cross training with a walk no less) then, and here’s the crucial bit and where the endurance part kicks in, eat a large pot of locally made stew.  You know the type that’s probably been stewing since the fayre the year before, full of root vegetables and beans, and so claggy you can feel it sticking to your insides as it goes down?  Wander round some more.  Admire long forgotten craft forms and spend time looking at and choosing some gorgeous artwork before remembering you cycled there and you’ve no way of getting anything home!  Finally, attempt to cycle home on your very full belly!!  This works best if you think you know a shortcut to your house which you persuade your husband to take only for it to pretty much take you back from whence you came before taking you under and over a few rolling hills before eventually delivering you home.

I can truly say if you can survive that you can sew that endurance badge on your cycling shorts.  I was a whinging moaning mess by the time i got home.  Although to be fair it’s not that different from my more serious training rides.  I’m pretty sure if Lance Armstrong had read my training book there would have been no need for all that doping!

I’m still in recovery now but i’m pretty sure by this time next year i’ll be ready to do it all again.

On a more serious note, if certain people’s passports turn up in the post in the next few days i’m hoping to whizz off to France for a day or two to catch a snippet of the Tour de France.  Exciting stuff.

Anyone else got some training gems to share?

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